


A Lesson in Living

by queenegeria



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Alternate Universe - Vampire, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 12:05:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15388383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenegeria/pseuds/queenegeria
Summary: “I want,” Laurent said, “for you to remind me how it feels to be alive.”





	A Lesson in Living

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: I actually wrote this a year ago but got so lazy with the last scene that I only actually finished it just now. So, if it looks like the writing belongs to a much younger me... that's because it does.

“You know, sometimes I wonder if you have better things to do with your eternal life than watching me sleep.”

Damen watched as the man’s eyes perked up, the glow shiny in the moonlight. Surely, he’d known Damen was awake. It was part of the Vamps’ whole reputation: wooden stakes to the heart, not appearing in silver mirrors, the ability to monitor human’s pulses. Not to mention the thing with watching people sleep. He hoped that this guy realized he was a breathing stereotype.

“This is generally the part where you scream.” The man’s voice was smooth and cold, like a night’s breeze. 

“I’m not really the screaming type,” Damen told him. And then, “I sleep naked, you know.”

The man shifted on the window sill. “I’m aware.”

Damen crossed his arms, not bothering to pull up the covers. The man had definitely seen all he could possibly want to see by now. “I thought I was dreaming, the other times. But you’re still as freaky as usual, so I guess I’m not. Why are you here?”

The vampire smiled sweetly, exposing the fangs that were as white as his skin. As he crossed over to sit at the end of Damen’s bed, he said, “Have you never read one of those erotic novels? They seem to always know what comes next.”

“I know that if you’re close enough to talk to me, you’re close enough to know what I am.”

The man’s nose wrinkled up. “I don’t need to be this close,” he said. “I could smell wet dog from a mile away.”

A growl rumbled in Damen’s chest. The bloodsucker really shouldn’t be talking. To the average joe, he might be appealing to every sense, but he put every single one of Damen’s instincts on edge. He smelled sickly sweet, like a candy factory that had burnt down and left no survivors. It was clouding Damen’s brain. He was surprised that none of his pack had woken up and come banging on his door; Nikandros had made his opinion of vampires very clear in the past. 

“You’re not going to bite me,” he frowned. “It would kill us both.”

The man blew a strand of blond hair out of his eyes, all calm, collected, and aggravating. “I’d take a stake to the heart over dying with the taste of a werewolf on my tongue any day.”

Annoyed, Damen demanded, “Then why are you here?”

In a flash, the vamp closed the distance between them, so that he was hovering over Damen’s body. Then slowly, almost reverently, his hand slid up Damen’s chest to his neck. He shivered as the man’s cold fingers lingered over his pulse.

“I want,” he said, “for you to remind me how it feels to be alive.”

* * *

 

From the way that he followed Damen after work and showed up in his bedroom every night, it seemed the vampire - whose name was Laurent, apparently - was very serious about the… life tutoring thing. Damen, who didn’t like vampires to begin with, and found this particular one especially annoying, wasn’t as enthusiastic.

“Why me?” he groaned one night, when Laurent took up his usual spot on his window sill.

“Because you’re the member of your pack the least likely to tear me to shreds.”

“You don’t even like werewolves!”

Laurent rolled his eyes. “Yes, but it’s better than the alternative. The last human who found out about me attempted to attack me, the one before that fainted.” He grimaced. “The one before that wanted me to bed her.”

Damen grabbed his pillow to shove it against his face, but faster than he could process, Laurent crossed the room to stop him. “The point is,” he said, “humans are unreliable at best. You are in the same boat as me. As unpleasant as you are, I can trust you won’t overreact. Do you understand, sweetheart?”

“I understand that you’re desperate,  _ sweetheart. _ ”

Laurent spread his hands. “What do you want me to say? Yes, I am desperate? Yes, I have no other living option? Your pack is the closest group of creatures to my coven. To go anywhere else would be abandonment.”

Damen frowned. “I don’t understand why you think I’d ever want to help you.”

“No?” Laurent mused. He sat back and fixed Damen with a strange expression. “I know that your father is sick. He has been for a while. He’s getting weak, too weak to lead the pack at this rate, and you’ve tried everything solution a human could think of.” Laurent looked out the window. “I’ve been around a lot longer than you have. Some witches owe me a favour. They could heal him.”

“My father would never allow black magic to touch him,” Damen grumbled.

“Oh, come off it. They’re not dark. It’s druid magic, perfectly acceptable.”

Damen crossed his arms, his head filled with the vampire’s words. Some time together, a couple educational field trips, and his father would be healthy again. He thought of the glow returning to his eyes. He’d be able to change form without it exhausting him. He’d have his father back. All he’d have to do is help his kind’s sworn enemy. 

“How long would I have to help you before you’d pay up?”

Laurent chewed on his bottom lip. “Ten years tops.”

“Ten years?!” Damen spluttered. 

“Too much? Fine, fine. Three months, then.”

That was… more reasonable. Three months with Laurent, and his father for years to come. When the vampire stuck out his hand to seal the deal, Damen took it.

How hard could this be?

_ Day 1 _

Damen had finally gotten the day off from work and he was spending it with a prickly vampire. 

Laurent was sitting under one of the beach’s umbrellas, despite the fact that it was completely overcast and barely an inch of his skin was visible outside of his dark clothes. If Damen himself wasn’t sporting jeans and a flannel, he’d have already called him out on being stereotypical. 

“What’s the plan for today?” Laurent asked. The tone of his voice said ‘ _ amuse me.’ _

Shaking it off, Damen grinned. “We,” he said, “are going on a polar bear dip.”

Laurent raised a brow.

“We’re gonna go in the water. It’s cold. It’s really cold.”

“That’s it?” Laurent asked. “That’s how you feel alive? By subjecting yourself to a minute of freezing water?” He pushed off of his hands to stand. “I suppose dogs do like to swim.”

Not feeling like humoring him, Damen simply wrapped his hands around Laurent’s thighs and hoisted him up, so that he was carrying him over his shoulder. Laurent made an indignant squawking sound, but Damen ignored it, running over to the shoreline. With a large splash, he dumped Laurent into the icy water. 

Unfortunately, being able to do that meant he also had to get wet.

“Oh fuck that’s cold!” he shouted. The water was a shock to his warm-running system. He moved his arms in circles and focused on not letting the nearest wave overcome him. Damen paddled over to where he could stand, and once his brain was clear enough to focus, he looked over to Laurent, who was - 

Who was standing in the shallow end, with his arms crossed and a frown on his face. 

“Are you done splashing around in the kiddie pool?” he asked sourly. “You look ridiculous.”

“Aren’t you… aren’t you cold?” 

Laurent rolled his eyes. “I’m not hot-blooded like you are. This is nothing.” He turned around and walked back to the shore, now dripping water from his soaked clothes and hair. As Damen followed him, he thought of the next three months of his life.

He was going to have to try a lot harder.

_ Day 4  _

“This feels in no way safe!” Laurent shouted, trying to be heard over the roaring wind of the country road. Damen revved the bike, just to hear him squawk. 

“A lesson in being alive!” he shouted back to him. “You can die at any time! Embrace your mortality!”

Laurent tucked his head as far into the crook of Damen’s neck as his helmet would allow.  _ I won’t need it, _ he had said.  _ If we crashed, it wouldn’t even break skin.  _ Damen had thrust it into his hands anyway.  _ You’d need it if you were alive.  _

“The only danger here is falling off!” Laurent told him. “You are taking up all of the room on this seat.” As if to prove his point, they went over a bump on the road and Laurent was forced to clutch Damen’s chest that much tighter so he didn’t fall off the back.

“Do you have a solution?”

“Yes. I sit on the motorcycle and you run while carrying it.”

Despite himself, Damen laughed. When they arrived at a good spot at the side of the empty road, Damen slowed to a stop. They both took off their helmets and Damen noted that after Laurent ran his fingers through his hair once, it was tamed to perfection. He knew he was not that lucky.

“So, how was that?” he probed. “It’s such a thrill, isn’t it?”

Laurent’s smile was strange. Gone was the sour frown, and in its place was something far more melancholy. Like he really, really wanted to grin, but wasn’t feeling it.

“I can run faster than that,” he said.

It sounded apologetic. 

_ Day 14 _

Damen had decided that trying to get a vampire to really understand existentialism and mortality wasn’t the best course of action. He could live through it all. It was next to impossible for a near-immortal to feel the risk of dying. The risk of consequence, however…

“We are going to do what?” Laurent responded to Damen’s words like they were the strangest things he had ever heard. It was a good start.

“You heard me. We are going to walk into the library-”

“-and cause a fuss.” Laurent shifted from one foot to the other. “What if you get your library card taken away?”

Damen scoffed. “I don’t use my library card.”

Laurent blinked once. Twice. “You… You don’t use your library - Let me rephrase. What if I get  _ my _ library card taken away?”

Damen grinned. “Well, then I guess you’ll just have to leave the country. This was fun while it lasted.” He took Laurent’s hand and tugged. “Come on.”

Together, they went in, weaving through the rows of shelves and smirking at each other when someone passed. Damen felt like a secret agent on a mission. A very nerdy thought, yes, but from the light in Laurent’s eyes, he could tell that the vampire felt the same way. Upon finding a deserted row of shelves near the back, Damen did the first thing that came to mind.

“I saw you hanging out with Rebecca the other day!” he said loudly.

“What are you trying to say, Lamen?” Laurent responded with equal enthusiasm. 

“I’m saying that maybe I don’t want to get married anymore, Charls!” He grabbed a stack of magazines and threw it on the ground. 

In a blur, Laurent disappeared from his spot. When he came back, he was holding a bag of marbles from the children’s section. “But my green card!” he wailed. 

“I want my ring back.”

Damen heard footsteps as a librarian tried to find the source of the racket. “Excuse me,” said the frail voice. “There is no shouting in this establishm-”

Laurent threw a marble over the shelf beside them, making the lady gasp. “I’m never giving that ring back,” he shouted, trying to hold back laughter. “I sold it to a pawn shop to pay for my crystal meth!”

The librarian appeared at the end of the corridor. Frighteningly, she lifted a crooked finger and fixed Damen with a warning glare. “Now, listen here, young man-”

“You’ll never take me alive!” Laurent took a handful of marbles and tossed them at the woman’s feet before sprinting - at a very human speed - in the opposite direction.

Grinning, Damen took off after him, dashing through the different rows of shelves in no particular order. Here and there, he had to shove a bystander out of his way. Laurent threw the occasional marble, doing nothing to actually help them evade what was now a  _ group  _ of angry librarians, but did wonders to increase the general confusion. As they made it to the center of the library, Damen hopped up onto a table.

“That ring was from my grandmother’s ex-lover Julio in Morocco. It’s all she had left after he died of Chlamydia!”

Laurent responded by plinking a marble at his chest. “Fuck Julio!” he yelled. 

“Young man!” came a shrill voice. “I will call the police!”

Two more librarians came running out from the maze of shelves. They looked up, and up, and up, to see Damen on the impromptu pedestal of the research table. Stunned silence came from both of them. After a few moments, he cried, “I won’t go back to prison!” and made for the exit.

From behind him, he heard the unmistakable sound of Laurent emptying the bag of marbles at their pursuers. Together, they crashed through the doors and kept running, even after they were sure no one was chasing them. Finally, Damen collapsed onto the grass of a nearby park. Laurent flopped down beside him, a grin lighting up his face. He was laughing. Damen laughed with him, until they were both rolling around on the grass wiping tears from their eyes. 

“Feel my pulse,” Damen gasped, wanting to share his racing heart with his companion. 

Laurent did. “I think mine would be the same.”

“That was…”

“Yeah,” Laurent smiled. “I think that was the most fun I’ve had since I was bitten.”

_ 1 month _

Damen wasn’t actually sure how a game of twenty questions was supposed to help Laurent understand living, but on the other side of their picnic blanket, he wasn’t complaining.

“True or false, Laurent said, smiling, “do you turn on a full moon against your will?”

“False,” Damen assured him. “That’s such a stereotype. I have full control of my turnings every time, thank you. The only people who turn on a full moon are wolves performing traditional ceremonies… and mutts.”

Laurent raised a brow. “And you’re a purebred, are you?”

Damen couldn’t help but preen a little. “Yes. The gift runs in my family. Also, it’s my turn. Is it true that vampires burn in the sun?”

Laurent rolled his eyes. Picking up a peanut from their arrangement of food and rolling it between his fingers, he said, “That’s a stereotype, too. The sun doesn’t char us like it does in the movies, it’s just extremely uncomfortable. It’s a biological warning against going out in the daytime. Less risk of being discovered that way.”

“Is sparkling off the table, too?”

He was rewarded with a peanut thrown at his head for his efforts. “Never speak of Twilight in my presence,” Laurent groaned. “I am not Edward Cullen.”

“I wish you were. He’s so dreamy.”

Two peanuts this time.

“Fine, fine!” Damen surrendered. “Your turn.”

Laurent leaned back a little, considering. “What’s the difference between purebreds and mutts?” he asked finally. “Since there apparently is one.”

“Easy,” Damen said, and bit into an apricot. “Purebreds are werewolves that have the gift through blood. No one can give it to you. Mutts come from a purebred that went wrong. They scratch and contaminate others and lose control.” He shuddered. “Nasty business. Wouldn’t want to meet one. Plus, they ruin our reputation.”

“You poor thing.”

Damen hummed in agreement, “So, what about you? If you don’t mind me asking, when were you, uh, you know…”

“Bitten?” Laurent sighed. “It’s an interesting story.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want-”

“No, I want to.” He brushed a strand of hair out of his face. “I was born in Renaissance France. A viper pit full of gossip and parties for the nobles. I hated them. People were always chatting me up and trying to get me to drink or dance or lure me to bed. I didn’t think that night was any different.” Laurent bit his lip.

“There was one man who wouldn’t leave me alone all evening. He was handsome and witty and the only way he could have gotten me to give him the time of day was if his face was a copy of my favourite book. So I left. And he followed me back to my rooms.” Laurent put his head in his hands. “I don’t know if he was trying to kill me or turn me, but he attacked. My brother  - he saw me leave, I suppose - came to find me and walked in. I don’t remember much after that, but when I woke up, I was like this. Auguste too.”

“That’s terrible,” Damen said.

Laurent simply shrugged. “Every vampire has his sob story. Moving around isn’t so bad, it’s more the ethical question. I was raised Catholic, after all.”

Sensing that Laurent was at the risk of being lost to his dark thoughts, Damen rushed to continue the game. How did it feel to change form? Like growing pains all over his body. What did Laurent dress up as to go to Halloween parties? Trick question. Laurent didn’t go to parties. Was Damen related to everyone in his pack? To a certain, very distant extent, yes. True, false. Yes, no.

“Last question,” Damen announced. “Are the lessons working? Do you remember being alive?”

When Laurent looked up at him, there was a smile on his face, softer and sweeter than any other expression he’d ever shown before.

“I think… I’m beginning to.”

_ 2 months _

“I promise I’m not a pervert.”

“No conversation that starts that way can possibly end well.”

Damen smiled, shaking his head. For all of Laurent’s retorts, he was here with Damen. The two men were standing on the shoreline, digging their toes into the sand underneath them. At their backs was the sea, black as ink in the nighttime. The sound of the waves lapping against the shore was inviting, and Damen looked forward to coaxing Laurent into the water, as he often looked forward to their time together nowadays.

“You better have something good in store,” Laurent said. “I had to sneak out. Auguste wanted to take Nicaise and I out to see a marathon of silent films.”

“Thrilling.”

Laurent hummed. “He’s nostalgic.”

“Well don’t worry about tonight. This will be fun. Take your clothes off.”

Laurent blinked. “What?”

Damen felt his face turn red. “That came out wrong,” he admitted. “I’m trying to -” he gestured vaguely to the water. “Have you ever gone skinny-dipping? We’re going skinny-dipping?”

“Skinny-dipping?”

“Yes.”

“You want me to swim in the ocean naked?”

“What? Are you shy?” Damen teased. He pulled his shirt over his head. “I’m not.”

As Laurent stood watching, he stripped himself of the rest of his clothing and dropped it onto the sand. Damen had never really been one to get self-conscious over his body. When his feet reached the shore, he was pleased to find that in the two months since he had last been to the beach, the water had begun to warm up significantly. The cool waves of the ocean were a pleasant sensation on his skin as he waded further out.

“Are you coming in?” he called out to Laurent, who had not moved.

Damen caught a glimpse of the reflection in Laurent’s eyes as he closed them and reopened them. Then, slowly, as if he was still debating, Laurent’s fingers went to the collar of his shirt. Watching him unbutton the shirt and peel it off of his shoulders was a religious experience. When Laurent stepped out of his jeans and stood naked on the sand, Damen had to remind himself to breathe.

He looked ethereal like this, something out of a fairytale, not a horror story. Laurent’s milky white skin and pale hair reflected the moonlight so that he seemed to glow. He was a beacon in the blackness that surrounded him. Uncovered, Laurent was more beautiful than Damen had ever seen him. Every aspect was a masterpiece and Damen found himself staring: at the classical beauty of his face, the sculpted perfection of his chest, and lower, lower until he coughed and forced his eyes up.

The attractiveness was a feature of his kind, Damen knew, just as much as the speed and the fangs. Vampires were designed to lower the guard of their victims so that they were easy prey. In that moment, Damen knew that he was the easiest of them all. If Laurent chose to mention that he was thirsty, Damen would bare his own neck for the bite.

“You have strange ideas,” Laurent said when he reached him. “I don’t recall doing any of this in my youth.”

“Yes, well, you never went to college.”

Laurent laughed, surprisingly. “I have been to several. Little else to do.”

“And here I thought I was monopolising your time.”

“Not quite.”

And then before Damen could expect it, Laurent sent a wave of water crashing over him. When he resurfaced, he lunged in revenge, bringing Laurent down with him. Their bodies tangled together as they fought for the upper hand.

“Splashing?” Damen gasped. “Are you twelve?”

“Bit more than that.”

And then Laurent was off, speeding through the water, daring Damen to catch him. Who was Damen  to turn down a challenge? Laurent was a minnow in the water, his quick limbs bordering unnatural, but Damen had practically been born in the ocean and he swam like it, with strong strokes propelling him forward. It wasn’t long until he caught up to Laurent, and they were grappling again.

They laughed as they tangled together, pushing and shoving. The feeling of their wet skin sliding with each bout was pleasant. Too pleasant. Damen found, to his chagrin, that he was rousing.

Before he could separate himself, he felt Laurent’s hands on his shoulders. With a push far stronger than what was proportional to his body, Damen was forced down again, and the shock was all that was necessary to stop his body in its tracks.

When Damen came back up, Laurent was grinning.

“What?” Damen asked him.

“I have a hypothesis.”

“A hypothesis. And what is it?”

Laurent brought a hand up and carded it through Damen’s hair. “I think that being with you is what makes me feel alive.”

The kiss happened because it was inevitable. Every ounce of Damen’s self-control was overridden by the simple honesty with which Laurent said the words. Say that again, Damen wanted to ask, but couldn’t. Laurent had his lips occupied in a searing embrace.

When they pulled back, Damen couldn’t help but keep their bodies together. “Just a hypothesis?” he asked, leaning his forehead against Laurent’s.

“One that’s open to further investigation,” Laurent smiled.

“I guess I’ll just have to keep you close.”

_ Two months, one week _

“The most invigorating experience of life,” Damen announced. “The first date.”

They were standing in front of a steakhouse, right on time. Damen wished that he’d been able to fulfill his fantasy of picking Laurent up on his bike and driving him here, but it hadn’t been so impressive the first time. And Laurent refused to give away his coven’s location or allow him anywhere near it. Auguste was… still a factor.

Even so, Damen could already tell tonight was going to be perfect.

“I hear they almost always go badly,” Laurent said. “Bad nerves, spilling food, turning into a stuttering wreck.”

“That’s a possibility.” Damen brushed a strand of hair out of Laurent’s face. “I’m sure there are other options.”

Laurent’s breath hitched. “Such as?”

“We walk in there and sit down. And then halfway through our meal, you discover that the waiter is actually the reincarnation of your former lover from Victorian England. You abandon our date and run off with him to own an antique shop together.”

“Victorian England was stuffy. Try again.”

Damen slid his hand up Laurent’s wrist, thinking. “I order you a steak, bloody. You order me a garden salad. How could you. After all this time, you still don’t know that I love french fries and would never order something that doesn’t come with them. Completely betrayed, I throw my salad at you. We get into a food fight and are banned from the restaurant. I spend the rest of my life throwing darts at a stick figure drawing of you.”

Laurent laughed. “One last try.”

“Okay,” Damen smiled. “How about this. We go in there, sit down at a table for two, and order our own food. We will spend that time getting to know each other and talking like we usually do. I will say at least one embarrassing thing about how beautiful you look and you will have to take it like a man. Then, when we are done our food, I will convince you to get dessert because I really just don’t want the date to be over.”

When Laurent looked up at him, he wore an expression that suggested he would be blushing if he was capable of it. “That sounds… nice.”

“Third time’s a charm.” He extended his elbow to Laurent. “Shall we?”

Laurent rolled his eyes but took the arm anyway. When they reached the doors, he put a hand on Damen’s chest and stopped him in his tracks. “I want to make one thing very clear,” he said. “If you try to fight me on who will be paying, you will lose.”

Damen smiled. He didn’t expect anything less.

_ Two months, three weeks _

Sometimes it struck Damen just how comfortable he was - especially for a werewolf - having a vampire for a boyfriend. Usually when people woke up in the middle of the night to find a man sitting at the end of their bed, their first reaction wasn’t to smile into their pillow and murmur, “Did you miss me?” With Laurent’s hand a gentle presence on his ankle, he didn’t see anything wrong with the situation.

“I remember the first night I came here,” Laurent said softly. Damen made a sleepy sound of encouragement. “I wasn’t thinking about what I was doing. I was annoyed with existing and the pointlessness of it all, which only made Auguste upset. He gets so caught up in how I feel.” Laurent rubbed circles on Damen’s leg.

“My coven already knew about your pack, but I guess it shows how miserable I was to even approach you at all.” He smiled a little. “The first time I saw you, it was after a fight with my brothers. I remember going to the park to cool off, and you were down the hill with your friends, playing football like it would actually matter the next day. You looked so vibrant. I think that even if I didn’t realize it then, that was the moment I knew I needed you.”

Damen sat up. “So you did what everyone does during an identity crisis. You followed me home and watched me sleep.”

Laurent pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m not saying I - knew what the appropriate course of action was. It was a gut feeling.”

“Not that you should regret it,” Damen murmured, leaning over to take Laurent’s hand and draw it upwards, encouraging him to come lie down beside him on the bed. 

“I don’t regret it,” Laurent said, settling in. He ghosted a finger down the ridge of Damen’s nose. “You do look quite adorable when you sleep.”

Damen couldn’t help but laugh. “Why do I find that endearing and not creepy?”

“Because you like me.”

“Fair point.”

“And it’s true. Your mouth falls open and your cheeks get squished by the pillow. It’s almost as cute as how messy your hair gets.” Laurent gave him a small smile. “You look peaceful when you sleep, like even though the day before left you tired out, you’re ready to give the next day your all. I like that about you.”

Damen was not capable of coherent thought at that point. Instead of trying to cover up his blush or say something charming, he did the only thing that was natural to him. He took Laurent’s face in his hands and pressed a long, firm kiss to his lips. Since the night at the beach, Damen had discovered that kissing Laurent was quite possibly his favourite thing in the world to do. When Laurent kissed, he left any semblance of the aloof man he’d first appeared to be behind, and all that was left was what he really was. Shy and loving and so, so sweet.

Laurent melted into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Damen’s torso. He leaned back just enough to speak, “You don’t stink as much as you used to.”

Damen ghosted his lips down Laurent’s neck. “Got used to the wet dog smell, did you?” he teased, but he felt it too. If Laurent had once smelled like cotton candy being sold in a funeral home, it had lessened into something approaching vanilla. Even this close, his nose didn’t wrinkle. Where he once would have growled, he nuzzled.

“You smell… outdoorsy,” Laurent told him. “I suppose it’s good to know that we’re losing all of our instincts.”

“Werewolves hunt vampires. Are you disappointed that I’m not going to use you as a chew toy?”

Damen felt Laurent stiffen beside him. Before he could worry about the reason, Laurent’s hands were clutching his face and yanking him into a kiss. Damen immediately returned it, pulling Laurent closer to his body. “I don’t know what got into me,” Laurent gasped against his lips. Damen didn’t know either, but he liked it. He moaned into his lover’s mouth.

Every press of their lips was hungry, and yet Damen noticed that since grabbing him, Laurent was fading out of control of the kiss. When Damen moved, he reacted acutely, but he didn’t try to influence the tempo. Deciding that the hesitancy wasn’t for lack of enjoyment, Damen pulled back slightly, relishing the feeling of Laurent chasing after him.

Laurent did this several times, until he caught on. “Tease,” he growled, but Damen’s efforts had the right effect. Impatient, Laurent did not hesitate to seek his own pleasure, and deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into Damen’s mouth.

He was so completely absorbed that he did not notice his own erection until he felt Laurent’s answering one, pressing against him through his jeans. He stilled. They had never kissed like this; they had never gone this far.

“Are we doing this?” he breathed.

Laurent was frozen against him. “I… I could hurt you.” The words were unsteady, like he was not sure if they applied. Even with Damen’s heart pounding, he doubted that Laurent felt any kind of craving for him. He was not a normal human. And he wasn’t weak to Laurent’s strength. Due to the nature of their kinds, if there was anyone who could rise above being vulnerable to the vampire, it was Damen.

“You won’t,” he said. He was sure of it.

“It’s been a while,” Laurent laughed at himself. “I’ve forgotten how.”

“I’ll remind you,” Damen promised, and reached for his belt.

_ 3 months _

After the sun went down, and Damen hadn’t heard a single word from Laurent, he started to worry. He wondered if Laurent had decided to make good on his promise to leave Damen alone after three months, without bothering to ask if he’d changed his mind. Maybe he’d forgotten. Maybe he didn’t like goodbyes. Maybe he’d overlooked the fact that Damen didn’t want to let go.

Even when it was dark outside, Damen didn’t go to bed. He sat on his mattress and waited, unable to sleep even if he tried. At two in the morning, all he’d managed was a fitful doze. When he woke, the shadow by his window was just a tree in the moonlight.

At three, he pressed his face into his pillow, feeling exhaustion trying to coax him into closing his eyes. His eyelids burned with the image of the morning sun, and a stunted letter of goodbye on his mattress, unaccompanied. He opened them with a start. 

And then sat up.

In the corner of his bedroom, Laurent was leaning his weight against Damen’s desk. In his hand was not a letter, but something small enough to be held in his fist.

“You came,” Damen said, because it was all he could think of.

“I came,” Laurent said, a little ruefully. “Did you think I wouldn’t?”

“I thought a lot of things.”

“I don’t break promises,” Laurent said, approaching him. When he reached Damen’s bed, he did not sit, instead standing by the edge of the mattress. “I can say the same for you. Here.” He tossed the object onto the sheets. 

Picking it up, Damen realized that it was a gemstone, uncut and blue as a sapphire. He held it in his hands, confused. “Place it under your father’s pillow when he sleeps,” Laurent was saying. “In the morning, toss it into the river near your house. Don’t try and keep it. If you don’t return it back to nature, the magic will backfire and your father won’t be healed.”

_ His father.  _ Damen had almost forgotten about Laurent’s promise to him. It had been a deal after all. 

“Thank you,” he said. “I don’t think he would have recovered on his own.”

Laurent nodded, still standing stiffly off to the side. He did not make himself at home in Damen’s bed like he had come to do. He was not acting like himself. Damen longed to take him by the hands and pull him under the warmth of the covers, to kiss him until the barrier between them crumbled, allowing him to see his lover as he truly was. Right now, Laurent looked as uncomfortable as a reptile encased in skin that was far too tight. It hurt Damen’s heart.

Did Laurent seriously think that Damen’s love came with an expiration date? That it would dry up with their deadline?

“Auguste doesn’t know I’m here,” Laurent said. “He’ll worry.” It was his version of a goodbye, and it made Damen’s chest tighten. All of a sudden, Laurent became sand in Damen’s fingers, easy to lose and so difficult to bargain with. “I wish your father an excellent recovery.”

Laurent glanced at the window he’d entered through, snapping Damen out of his panicked silence. “Come here,” he said. 

A beat. “What?”

“You’re ridiculous.”

If Laurent had not been expecting Damen’s first request, he certainly hadn’t expected that last statement. His eyes widened, and he took a small, almost unnoticeable step backwards, as if to defend himself from Damen’s words. Damen cursed inwardly. For someone so incredibly smart, Laurent seemed incapable of distinguishing a break-up from a plea to stay. 

Damen threw his sheets off his body and swung his legs over the side of his bed, launching him into his approach. As he neared Laurent, he observed the tension in his body, how he held himself so still, though he was coiled and ready to flee at the slightest disturbance. Damen did not fail to appreciate that. His feeling of desperation lingered, but he acknowledged Laurent’s trust in him, a trust that kept him locked in place, even now, when it was clear that being in the same room as Damen caused him anxiety. He also acknowledged what that meant. Laurent most likely thought that Damen was about to break his heart, but he stayed anyway, to give their relationship the dignity of being ended face-to-face.

Damen wanted to kiss him soundly and never let go. His precious, cautious Laurent couldn’t begin to know how wrong he was.

Slowly, as if reassuring as spooked animal, Damen lifted his hand and brushed a strand of hair away from his boyfriend’s face. A quiet, stuttering exhale left his lips. 

“You know,” he said softly, “if you’re breaking up with me, the best thing you could do is tell me outright. I’ll need the rest of the night to decide how many pints of ice cream I’ll need to drown my sorrows.” Laurent looked up at him with wide eyes. His lips parted. “And to think I had plans this Friday night.”

“Anything in particular?” Laurent tried for a casual tone and failed miserably.

Damen shrugged. “I was planning on taking my boyfriend to the movies. But he seems to have gotten this crazy idea that things are over between us. Can you believe that?”

Laurent let out a shaky breath. The sound said more than words ever could. When he allowed his gaze to meet Damen’s once more, his eyes were as old as he’d promised they were. Set against the eternal freshness of his face, the crystal blue showed lifetimes of experiences, hard-won wisdom and cynicism, emotions both sweet and sad alike - too much for one one man to bear. It was jarring, as Damen took it in for the first time. And yet, underneath it all, there was youth. There was the vulnerability of wanting something, and not knowing if you were allowed to keep it.

When he spoke, Laurent’s voice was little more than a whisper. “I’m not what you want, Damen.”

“If that’s what you’re getting from this, then you’re really not as observant as I thought you were.”

Laurent laughed a little, but it broke off into a jagged edge. “Please,” he said. “Just end this now. Being here with you, I’ve forgotten and I - We can’t -” He took a breath. “You are a test of my self-control, Damen. I think that if you tell me that I get to keep you right now, I won’t be able to fight it. I’ll never want to let you go and it… it doesn’t work like that.”

Damen brushed his cheek. Laurent’s eyes fluttered closed. 

“Please,” he said. 

Damen thought of a world where he was more selfless. Where he could hear Laurent’s plea to be saved, and listen, and let him go. He tried to think of a world without Laurent.

He couldn’t.

“I can’t promise you forever,” he said, “and I know that’s what you’re afraid of. I know you don’t want to let yourself need me because you’re afraid of losing me later, but you know what, Laurent? That’s life. Nothing stays the same, even if you want it to. Maybe that’s not what you want to hear, but… it’s what I’m offering you.” He cupped Laurent’s face with his hands and wondered how his heart hadn’t beaten out of his chest by now. “These past few months with you have redefined everything that I thought I knew about living. Having a pulse is one thing. Knowing what’s important is so much harder. But I found it. It’s you, Laurent. You’re what I can’t live without.”

Damen ran his thumb across Laurent’s cheekbones. “I can’t promise you that we’ll grow old together, or that our experiences will be the same. I don’t know if I’ll be there with you at the end of the world. All I can give you is my life, if you’ll allow it. Because you taught me that it’s not about how much time you have, it’s about how you spend it, and who you spend it with.” He smiled. “I know it’s not an eternity… but whatever time I have on this Earth, from this moment on, I’d like to spend with you. Just tell me you’ll stay.”

Laurent was smiling, and it was the most beautiful thing Damen had ever seen. 

“I’ll stay,” he said. His eyes were bright. “Just tell me one thing.”

“Anything.”

“What did I do to deserve you?”

“Well,” Damen grinned, “you taught me how it feels to be alive.”


End file.
